Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony, said Gandhi and was completely right. When you don’t act in accordance with your values and goals, you’re internally conflicted
You know you should be doing something now or today or yesterday? but what about now, doing the things that matters, whether that’s working on your music project, clients project, reading a book, learning an instrument or a new language or just being present with your loved ones, eating healthy, or a number of other things , and you knowingly act in contradictory ways.
Like me, you may justify your behaviours and convince yourself you’re on the path toward your dreams. But an honest look in the mirror would reveal that you’re deceiving yourself. And I will tell you why.
Your behaviours directly translate into your results. It’s the way your brain gets rewired. What you see, act and listen, it’s printed in your brain, it may stay or it may go, but usually when you consciously sabotage yourself, you cannot have confidence. Instead, you’ll have depression and identity confusion. I went thru those stages, yes, I must admit, I suffered 10 continuously years from a Bipolar condition. And I never knew I was there, that’s just one part of my life. Lets move on.
But how close to your values and goals are your living? and how internally conflicted are you? I’m not above this. Sometimes, I find myself constantly checking Facebook and Twitter, knowing it keeps me from getting into flow.
I’m addicted to my daily routines, but I know it keeps me from having more friends, going out more often, dating, and so on. But I also know that having a routine, each day, no matter how many months or years, it’s a sign of a successful you.
I often go few days without writing, knowing each day I don’t create, may add months to my goals. But if I could just not sleep, I could probably create more and in all honesty, my behaviours often contradict my values and goals. Perfection shouldn’t be the objective, someones told me quite a wile ago. However, consistency and implementation of our values and goals creates substantial momentum and results.
There’s no way around it, unfortunately. If you want to be successful, you have to act, think and listen ”successful” As Aristotle has said,”You are what you repeatedly do”
24 Hours is a Period of your Life
You, me, they or shall I say everyone have 24 hours each day. If your days aren’t solid, your life won’t be solid. Once you master your days, success is inevitable. In the beginning, I found my self struggling with having a solid day. But everything changed when a routine started to grow and implemented in my daily ritual.
So, dear reader, how was your day, today? Seriously, look back on all the things you did today. Did you act like the person you wish to become? If you repeated today every day for the next year, realistically, where would you end up? And I been asked this question, not that long ago, when I found my self struggling to have that ”solid day ”
If you are to really accomplish your goals and dreams, how much differently would your regular day need to be than today was? Pop your say, bellow in the comment section and let me know. Maybe I can learn something from you, who knows.
But, in order to achieve your dreams, what does a “normal” day look like? Well, lets start with me, shall we?
I wake up at 6am, just before everyone else wakes up, why? Because I go to sleep at 2am, and that’ after everyone else. The morning starts with a 10 minutes self decisions, where would my mind and body wants to be for that day only. I use a technique called ”Principles.” It means, separating from my opinions so that I can open my self to the entire possibilities.
Focusing on things that matters, for that very day only, taking 80% of my energy and focus on that 20% important goal of the day. I call this the 80-20 Rule.
We are all in complete control of how we spend our time. If we don’t believe we are, we have an external locus of control (i.e., victim-mentality) and will remain so until we claim personal responsibility.
But, what does your ideal day look like? How often do you live your ideal day? Say your words bellow. And if you were to consistently live your ideal day, where would you be in one year from now? Say your thought. And where would you be in five years? How about that?
THE Call To Action PRINCIPLE:
Take a few minutes to imagine what your ideal day would look like, then make a list of the activities that would be in your ideal day. Start tracking how you currently spend your days. And I must point here an App I use, and you shod use as well. Its called ”A TimeLogger2 ” Start tracking your time and everything else you do. You will be amazed how much you wasted, but you will also be amazed, how much time you pursue.
Once you start tracking your time and become conscious, you’ll be stunned how internally-conflicted you are. This is all easier said than done. But it’s completely possible to live intentionally and congruently. It’s completely possible to replace bad habits with good habits. And it’s completely possible to become the person you want to be.
Motivation and your Self-Regulation
When your goals are specific, intrinsically motivating, and time-bound, you’ll keep going until you succeed. If you’re lacking motivation, there’s a problem with your goals. Either you have the wrong goals, they aren’t specific enough, or the timeline isn’t definitive enough. Have you try framing your goals? I invite you to a brief look on my wall.
Here’s how the right goals work on a psychological level:
I am reading ”Evolutionary Psychology” by Dr. David Buss, and according to research, self-regulation is the psychological process that detects inconsistency between our goals and our behaviours. It is the ignition of our motivational forces which helps us get from where we are to where we want to be.
According to Dr. David Buss which also is a Professor at Harvard University, he said, specifically, self-regulation works in three ways:
- Self-monitoring: determines how well we are currently performing.
- Self-evaluation: determines how well we are performing comparative to our goals.
- Self-reaction: determines how we think and feel comparative to our goals. When we feel dissatisfied with our performance, self-reaction pushes us to reallocate our motivation resources.
To ensure you not only achieve your goals, but radically exceed them, put substantially more effort in than seems needed. Remember I talked about the 80-20 Rule. Rather than expecting ideal circumstances, plan for the worst. Rather than underestimating how much time and effort something will take, overestimate those things.
Of course, achieving your goals isn’t that easy. If it was, everyone would be successful. People often fail to deal with self-regulatory problems while striving for their goals. And I been there, to many times, failing.
Loads of research has sought to determine: How do you keep people striving for a goal when they’re struggling to stay motivated?
The answer is what psychologists like Dr. David Buss call implementation intentions, and it’s clearly seen among endurance athletes. When an ultra marathon runner sets out on – an arduous run, they pre-determine the conditions in which they will quit (e.g., if I completely lose my vision, then I’ll stop).
If you don’t predetermine the conditions in which you’ll stop, you’ll quit pre-mature, and most people stop at 40 % of their actual capacity.
But implementation intention theory goes further. Not only do you need to know the conditions in which you will quit, you also need to have planned goal-directed behaviours when you encounter opposing conditions. And here I am give credit to Dr. David Buss, for his research in ” Evolutionary Psychology”
But you can’t just want to succeed. You have to plan and prepare for the worst. You will get derailed often. You need to prepare for those moments you’re not motivated. You do this by creating triggers that automatically reignite your motivation.
Call to action:
Consider the challenges you’ll encounter on the path to your goals (e.g., you’re at a party and your favorite drink and desert is being served), what is your automated response going to be? Imagine all the challenges you’ll encounter that you can think of and create proactive responses to each. In this way, you’ll be prepared for the confusion that happens in your mind. When you encounter those challenges, actually implement your proactive response.
How was your day today? What about yesterday?
Well, you pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays. There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today. How you spend each day is a clear indicator of who you are and who you will become.
It’s not enough to simply want a better future. You need to know what that future looks like, and start living that way today. Winners act like winners before they start winning. If you’re not acting like a winner today, you won’t be a winner tomorrow, nor today.