I always wanted to live alone for some reason. When I was a teenager I had this fantasy about living in my own Apartment and have multiple rooms dedicated for my naughty talents ”writing, music composing, sleep (yes i love sleeping) and a terrace for absorbing my visions thru my old pipe tabaco’s puff) But when I moved in with flat mates at the age of 21, I started planning for a new future – one with other people in it.
This all changed when I turned 30. I had arrived at my “age of reckoning”. Put my life savings on the table, and start searching for a good deal. But a good deal always comes with a feeling of responsibilities. And so i left my flat mates friends and finally said good bye. A week after i moved into my own place. Alone.
It didn’t took to long for that ”responsibility” and i am amazed how many great places are for sale – everywhere peoples selling this days houses like chocolate, but a deal it can also be a bad deal when the chocolate melts and the sugar is handled. Unfortunately i been wise enough to avoid this deceptions and fallow just a few old tricks from my elders.
Those first few days of being by myself in my own Apartment – decorated with my choice of colour, with my books on the shelves and my pictures, hung by me, on my walls – made me so proud of my empty bank account ”haha” i guess that’s the responsibility part isn’t it. Whatever..i have my own place, and the rest is privilege.
I walked around the two rooms it cames with, wondering what to do now. With no one to move around, no one to talk to, no one to ask me how my day had been. I didn’t know where to put myself. The life I had once assumed – the one with a few flatmates – had vanished. Here I was, facing a new future, living by myself. Facing responsibilities but that trepidation, that anxiety, soon turned into a feeling of liberation. I knew what i want and i knew where to start.
The place is quite straight forward and simple. One large living room with an open kitchenette, good enough to cover some few basic little things for a single man. At the end of the day, i am not that fussy for a large kitchen, with things i will never use probably. Plus i love my large living room where most of my duties gets accomplished in a daily basis. My computer, my musical instruments, and my large collection of books and records. They just sit right in the living room. The rest continues with a large corridor, facing a nice backyard where my daily pipe gets smoked and my papper gets fascinated by my eyes. But i do miss a sleep now, and that takes me to my large bedroom, good enough for a single man.
Living alone gave me a sense of freedom I hadn’t known I’d craved. In my own apartment, with my own space. I started to write with a renewed energy. I’d spent years writing the first draft of a novel – years filled with interruptions and squeezed space. Such a pity, but within months, i had nearly finished a book or shod i called my very first book in 2017. Because i never had one done before. Everything has a beginning.
By taking control of my physical space, i opened up a new emotional space for myself. I was working harder and better than I’d ever worked before. No one asked me what to do, where to put things away, or how to move things in a way. My self-image changed with the move, too. I started calling myself a writer, out of my other bits i do. I had found my “room of one’s own” where I could carve out a space for my creative self. There is something blissfully selfish about living alone, a joyful and liberating experience.
Living alone means I am my own priority. And yet, there’s something really positive about putting myself first. Everything is designed for me, around me, by me. My space is my own space, and my time is my own time. I don’t have to answer to anyone. Because, i kinda answered for everyone, for years.
Of course, it also means that I am responsible for everything. It’s up to me to take out the bins as well as do the cooking or do the take away order. I keep my Apartment very tidy because I want to live in a pleasant space, not because I’m carrying the domestic burden for a flat mate. Taking ownership is empowering.
It would be a lie to say that life doesn’t sometimes get lonely. It damn’s does. However, I believe in reframing the way thinking goes – lonely. The state of being alone it can be transformed, alone into one that is motivating and empowering. When I start to feel lonely, I go for a walk, watch a film, read a book, and keep fallowing my daily routines. One of my mentors once told me ” Isaac, a man with a dilly routine is a sign of motivation for ambition of ones self ” Most of all — I enjoy my routines.
Moving into my own place proved to me that I can be capable, independent, and in control of my own space and my life.